Most of my blushing takes place at work, particularly when I am in a meeting or talking to someone more senior to me. It's so frustrating as I really want to progress in my career but I am beginning to feel like my anxiety is a major barrier for me and maybe I am pushing too hard for a position that I'm just not cut out for. I've taken to wearing scarves and tops that cover my blotchy neck and chest but doing this is just getting me down. I feel like I can't be myself and it's eating me up inside.
My first memory of blushing was at my high school formal when I was posing for photos. In the photos I am red and blotchy, at the time I just thought it was an allergic reaction to the necklace I was wearing, but now I know it was because I was feeling vulnerable and self conscious. Throughout University my blushing wasn't too much of an issue, I had few contact hours and kept to myself most of the time. It only affected me when I was giving oral presentations and I didn't have to do too many of these. On my wedding day I dreaded blushing and resorted to sun beds to try and hide it.
Now though, my blushing has taken on a whole new level. It seems to have got worse since I had my first child. I am not sure if there is a connection there but these days someone only has to be friendly to me or ask me a question and I turn red.
And though it mostly happens in work, I've started blushing in all sorts of other situations - when I talk to shop assistants, when I am telling a story to my friends and pretty much whenever I experience any kind of extreme emotion (happy or sad). I feel like an open book, everyone can see exactly how I feel all the time.
I'm not sure what to do. I really want to progress in my career. I have always wanted to be a manager, yet now I question whether this will ever be possible. I don't want to have to cover up my blushing forever. When I set up "Project Feel Good" I really wanted to move away from fighting my anxiety and begin the process of accepting and understanding that it is just a part of me.
The problem is, I just don't know if I will ever be okay with my blushing.
I want to be okay with it. So today I am appealing for help, for suggestions, a little support... I don't have the answers on this topic but a problem shared is a problem halved, isn't that what they say? So I'm handing this one over to my wonderful readers.
Warm wishes
